Poot's Palace

whoa

2007-03-15T20:40:00.000-04:00

its been so long since i have blogged i had to register an email with google just to use the blogger. you'd think a lot would have happened since i last blogged in september sometime, but nothing really has sadly enough. what has happened probably showed up somewhere on Wha's blog, so i didnt see a point in saying the same thing twice (ie: Vail trip, Wha performing snow angels in a bar after Clemson's bowl game). i am really just posting something to see how long it takes for someone to check my blog to see if i have written anything. if i find i still occasionally have the viewership stop by to see if i have updated, i will continue.

Thursday Night Football

2006-09-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

I am sititng here watching the UVA/GT game. I have come to two conclusions.
1) UVA sucks
2) Reggie Ball can only throw the ball way up in the air and let Calvin Johnson chase it down.

Wow, what an offensive scheme.

Weekend Update

2006-08-28T17:27:00.000-04:00

I, along with most of my reading audience, was at Jessie's wedding this past weekend. Good times had by all. A little disappointed with the absence of Jack Daniels at the reception, but still not about to complain about free flowing Crown Royal all night long. Afterwards we hit downtown, where shcokingly I saw many familiar faces. Bumped into my ex-girlfriend's younger sister from junior year, which definitely reminded me of how old I was. Later that night I saw my freshman year roommate, who by the way is still working on his undergraduate work. Going to Overtime was a good call after TTT's closed. I somehow started talking to a co-ed, who if I remember correctly was rather attractive. She was almost as tall as, if not the same height, and had a smoking hot body. I was ready for her any minute to roll her eyes at me and walk away due to amount bullshit that I was feeding her, but rather she seemed to just eat it up and hang around for more. At one point in the night I remember telling someone that I was almost out of shit to talk about, but managed to still keep her interest. Had Larson's lady friend of the evening not been quite so drunk, I believe the evening would have ended much better for the both of us, but as it turned out, my tall long-legged hottie was the sober driver for Larson's mystery woman. I did however get her number and was asked to give her a call before next weekend.

On a side note, upon arrival to my suite at the Martin Inn, I was denied entry into my own "bedroom" area of the suite. I was forced to sleep half the night in a chair in the living since Larson was on the couch., and Wha was up to some old antics in the bedroom. It's ok, I blasted them in the morning with some great beer farts.

New Computer

2006-08-13T18:37:00.000-04:00

I finally got a new computer after my old P.O.S. decided to stop working three weekends ago when I wasnt at home. It was marginally functional for about two weeks, allowing me to only perform certain functions (such as turning it on and back off). Thus I haven't blogged in a while or been able to check email at home or anything else like that. I have had several things that I wanted to blog about, and now that I have a computer that functions properly I can only remember one of the ideas. If I remember the others I blog about them as well.

-I was thinking the other day about my addiction to nicotine and wondered if I was really addicted or just dipped to pass the time. The reason I ask this question is because most people who were addicted to alcohol, smoking, or anything else typically make a conscience effort to quit and can tell anyone how long it as been since they last .... whatever. I couldn't tell you when the last time I dipped was, other than it has been several weeks, I think. One night when I was at home I wanted to put a dip in but didn't have any and was too lazy to go to the store. The next day at work I was extremely busy and didn't make it to the store to buy any then either. The next night was the same story - too tired to go to the store and didn't have any cash on me. As time passed, I realized that I never went and bought that can of delicious dip, but at the same time wasn't really craving for it either. It just seems like a strange way to break a bad habit. I still occasionly light a cigarette if I am out drinking, but typically dont smoke throughout the day either like I used too.

WTF

2006-07-23T20:18:00.000-04:00

For the last several weeks/months I have become addicted to Flip This House on A&E. They filmed a real estate firm from Charleston who flipped houses all over South Carolina. The new season started tonight. One problem, they are now filming a bunch of greasy wetback spics from Texico.

Jack...nope, its the Captain

2006-07-07T20:27:00.000-04:00

My mom called me tonight and asked what I was doing. I told her I was sitting in my recliner watching TV and drinking a Rum and Diet Coke. She asked why I was just sitting around drinking Rum, and I politely told her it was because I ran out of Jack. Needless to say, she did not appreciate the witty banter. Thats all.

Poot's Palace

2006-07-07T09:04:00.000-04:00

I always heard that his herb was top shelf
I just could not wait to find out for myself
Don't knock it til' you tried it, Well I tried it my friend
And I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
I learned a hard lesson in a small Carolina town
He fired up a fat boy and passed him around
The last words that I spoke before they tucked me in
Was I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
My parties all over before it begins
You can pour me some old whiskey river my friend
But I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
I hopped on his big truck, the Blue Avalanche
The party was Wha's House, it was after work.
Alone in the driveway with just me and him,
With one parting puff grim creeper set in.
I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
My parties all over before it begins
You can pour me some old whiskey river my friend
But I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
Now we're passing the guitar and telling good jokes
I know ones a-comin' cause I'm smelling smoke
No I do not partake, I just let it pass by
With a smile on my face and a great contact high
I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
My parties all over before it begins
You can pour me some old whiskey river my friend
But I'll never smoke weed with Rimmy again
In the fetal position with drool on my chin
I messed up and smoked weed with Rimmy again

Garbage Disposal

2006-06-27T14:42:00.000-04:00

I installed one last night at my house but was very wary before beginning the small project after reading Lawton's blog about his numerous trips to Lowe's. As best I can assume, Lawton's garbage disposal needed to be installed on the same side of his sink where the p-trap and drain line is located and thus required a little more re-work of the existing plumbing. This would be the only logical explanation as to why he needed so many trips. I was lucky in my installation. I need only a 12" piece of pipe with a flange on one end. After I removed the old drain and drain line and installed the disposal I needed only to shave about a 1/4" off the end of the pipe to retro-fit it to the existing drain line on the other side of the sink. The only difficult part was squeezing my fat ass under the sink and wiring the damn thing. I already had a switch and an insulated two-wire connection under the sink, but there was not enough wire to make a connection to the disposal. Already knowing this would be an issue, I permanently borrowed some shielded four-wire cable from a job-site yesterday afternoon and just put electrical tape over the tips of the wire that I did not need. A few wire nuts and much more electrical tape later, I had a finely nigger rigged electrial connection that appears only to have a flaw due to the excessive amount of wire under my sink. It's my sink, my disposal, and I don't really give a shit if it wouldn't pass an electrical inspection, the important thing is that it will pass small chicken bones and leftover food. Next up, a dishwasher.

Suck

2006-06-20T21:46:00.000-04:00

My week started with a 7 am phone call on Monday morning from a man covered in tattoos from head to toe informing me that some of my employees were a no show over the weekend to do work. My employees held the keys to the building that the man covered in tattoos needed to get into to do work. The tattooed man is a subcontractor that I use quite frequently, yet still would rather not piss off. Since, that point, my week has gone drastically downhill and it is just Tuesday. I was out of the office pretty much all day until 4:15 (read "i didnt get shit done and only started being productive at 4:15). However on my drive back to my office there was a billboard on I-85 North in Charlotte and it read "i pooted". Thats about all that has made me smile this week. And to top things off, Clemson was just eliminated from the CWS. Can't we just fast forward to the weekend and try this all over again next week.

Should I

2006-06-12T21:34:00.000-04:00

Now that we have experienced a few extremely hot and humid days I have proof that my A/C does not work as it should, and as I figured when I bought the house. When I purchased the house I did request a 1 year home warranty which I received. Here is my question... should I purposefully cause my compressor to blow and cash in on the home warranty and request that my company replace it, or just tell the bossman that my A/C isnt working properly and risk having to actually purchase, at a discounted price, a new system. My house didnt reach below 80 degrees during the day on Saturday and Sunday, so I know I have some issues, but I am not completely sure that the system is so bad that it would be codemned quite yet. What is the current punishment for insurance fraud by the way?

Poot has a Palace

2006-05-26T21:05:00.000-04:00

Ok, maybe not a palace, but a place of my own nonetheless. I closed on my house on May 15 and now am pretty much all moved in. After several evenings of frustration with the cable company, fried electrical lines, and holes in my drywall, I now have my internet and cable running again. If i new how to post pictures on this thing i would, but i dont know how, so i guess i will leave it up to my fellow readers to stop by some time for a beer and check the place out.

FORD

2006-03-19T15:40:00.000-05:00

Found On Roadside Ditch. That is pretty much the way I feel about the company right now. I have been a loyal consumer of Ford vehicles since I get my driver license 12 years ago. Partly because my dad and a friend of his are well versed in repairing Ford products, and most minor issues with any of my vehicles could be repaired at a fraction of the cost of taking it to a Ford dealership for repairs. Luckily, I have never needed any major repairs to a vehicle of mine and therefore felt that Ford was a decent company.... I was WRONG MISTER. Only when I became the sole owner of a Ford product did I realize how true Ford jokes were. In my one year of owning my Expedition I have spent no less than $2000 in repairs. The last two weeks have sent me over the edge. A part of my sunroof came disattached to the rest of my truck and is virtually impossible to fix without completely removing the glass to gain access to the area that needs to be worked on. Last night while driving home, Wha and myself were listening to my CD player when it stopped. My CD player, radion, and clock are all dead. At first I thought it was nothing more than a blown fuse that I could easily replace. After inspecting all fuses that have anything to do with my car audio and CD system, no fuses are blown. I am at a loss as to why it stopped working. If I can get everything repaired on my truck before anything else goes wrong with it, that damn thing will be traded in for a Chevy or Toyota. I am a firm believer in buying American products, but damn, I am tired of pouring money into something that you can get no returns on. House repairs would not bother me because you can always gain appreciation in real estate. Automotives just depreciate until they are worthless, which my truck is now worthless to me long before its day has come.

Free BEER

2006-02-26T21:59:00.000-05:00

Now that i have your attention, i was afraid that no one read my blogs anymore. Of course, there hasnt been much of a reason to read it, since i haven't posted in at least 3 weeks. So last Thursday i head out with Wha around 9:30 to a friends house to have a few drinks and then we hit up one of our favorite bars in the area for a beer or 12. At 2 a.m. we decided to go home. We havent stayed out that late in a really long ass time, but it didnt bother me too much cause i knew that i didnt have much to do on friday and the bosses were leaving at midday. Shortly after 7 am the next morning i head to my car to drive to work, and what do i find... my right rear tire is flat as a freaking board. Great, just what i wanted, to manually change a tire at 7 in the morning with a hangover. 20 minutes and several four-letter cuss words later I am off to work. I take my car to the shop to get the tire patched, but the nail has punctured the sidewall and i must purchase a new tire. My boss, being the good man that he is, said i probably got the nail while at a job site and offered to pay for the replacement tire for me...big relief. I call to get my car back around 4:00 and the lady at the shop says they have replaced the tire but are now patching my spare. I said, "My spare?". Yes, apparently there was also a leak in my spare tire and it went flat at the shop while waiting to be serviced. Blah blah blah, i get my car back and go home and then head to Kernersville with some friends to stay with some other friends on Friday night before heading to Wintergreen on Saturday to go skiing. Wake-up saturday morning and what do i see, another damn nail in my tire, this time it was the right front. Instead of risking my tire not going flat over the weekend (i wasnt driving my car, but leaving it at my friends house), i frantically searched for a place on Saturday morning to patch my tire before i leave. Luckily i found a Shell station that would plug the hole for me. So, at last count, I had three flat tires in two days. Have i done something wrong in this world to be subjected to bad Karma. I paid for a new bumper to a lady that i baredly bumped into a few weeks ago. I could have easily gotten out of that mess, but figured doing the right thing should bring me a little good luck.... Buuulllllshiiiiittt!!! I spent most of saturday evening sliding head-first on my back down a black diamond slope (which can be attributed to drinking too many beers at dinner). Ever had one of those days where you felt the safest place for you to be was in a straight jacket locked in a padded room. I know Wha has days like those, but its for OUR own protection.

Tagged

2006-01-31T15:10:00.000-05:00

So I was tagged by Todd, as homo as that sounds. Here is my list, hope you find some humor mixed in.

Four Jobs I’ve Had
Lifeguard – City of Florence
Repair Engineer – Delta Air Lines (intern).
Process Engineer – Robert Bosch Corp (co-op).
Commercial HVAC Estimator – JL Patterson (current).

Four Films I Can Watch Over and Over
The Legend of Bagger Vance
The Shawshank Redemption
Wedding Crashers
Gladiator

Four Places I’ve Lived
Florence, SC
Clemson, SC
Atlanta, GA
Charlotte, NC

Four Current TV Shows I Enjoy
Boston Legal
The OC
Two and a Half Men
Criminal Minds

Four Foods I Like
Homewrecker - Moes
Grilled Salmon – the way I make it
Chicken Pontalba - Redbone Alley
Chicken and Broccoli casserole – my mom’s recipe

Four Places I’ve Vacationed
Clearwater, FL
Navarre Beach, FL
The Bahamas
Garden City, SC

Four Websites I Visit Daily
CNN.com
Weather.com
BankofAmerica.com
bigbreastlovers.com

Four Things I’d Like to Do Before I Die
go scuba diving
Get married
save a life
Have kids

Four Things I Miss From College
warm days on Bowman Field
The Walker Course student rates
Tiger Town Tavern
My slutty ex-girlfriend

Four Living People I Want To Have Dinner With
Charlize Theron
Martina McBride
Todd’s mom
Cal Ripken Jr.

Four Things my ex-girlfriends have been good at
bitching
complaining
whining
gaining weight

a $300 oil change

2006-01-26T11:18:00.000-05:00

No, thats not how much oil my tanker truck takes. I also told them to check out my brakes because they were making horrible squeaking noise. I changed my rear brakes over Christmas hoping that would solve the problem (my front brakes were previously replace in Octoberish). While changing the back right brake, I noticed a lot of fluid on the rotor and brake shoe, but didnt give it much thought. The people at American Auto informed me that I had a bad valve on my rear end (no jokes here) and rear end fluid (please, no jokes) was leaking. Also, my rotors needed a little machining. So after an oil change, machining the rotors, replacing the valve, rear brakes shoes, refilling my rear end with fluid, and something else that was required, my bill totaled just under $300. Actually not a bad price for the work that was done, but... my damn truck still squeaks when I brake. It sounds like the noise is coming from my right front, but seeing as they also checked my front brakes and saw no issues, I am wondering what to do about it now. The cheapest solution would be to spend $20 at Auto Zone on front brakes and replacing them, hoping that I just have bad brakes shoes on the front, but without my own floor jack this poses a problem. Any mechanics out there with another solution??

SHEIZEN

2006-01-12T22:31:00.000-05:00

German for "SHIT". So for some reason the other day i was deleting old internet files and cookies stored on my computer. Now I cant remember half of my usernames for sites that i use, much less what password i used. Most importantly, I have no idea where my username and password for BitTorrent is....Brad, a little help here!!

New Years

2006-01-04T15:39:00.000-05:00

Happy New Years! Given my current situation of being underpaid, having wasted the previous year chasing a girl who is certifiably crazy, having little to no money saved in the bank (however my credit card debt is gone), and having presumably gained more weight than I care to think about (I haven’t actually weighed myself yet)... I am surprisingly optimistic about the upcoming year. I guess it is one of those "things can’t get much worse" outlooks. If I don't get a pay raise this year, I can always find a new job, since I am no longer dating my boss’s daughter and have no intentions of ever playing that card again. I will save more money because 1) I have no credit card debt, 2) I have no girlfriend to take all my money, 3) I have officially given up tobacco products (Wha and Skippy can attest to this)... On a side note...Giving up tobacco officially sucks donkey ass and I am jonesin like a MF'er. The idea is that with a better set of lungs I can last a little longer on the treadmill or elliptical.

Other unofficial New Years resolution,
-substitute soft drinks, tea, and beer with water when dining out (no, I didn’t give up drinking)
-be more financially responsibly (i.e.: eat at home more often, take lunch to work, quit blowing cash at titty bars)
-lose an unspecified amount of weight
-be more committed to the gym
-buy a house/town home/condo

There are other things that I intend to accomplish throughout the year, but physical fitness is the main goal here. I have to do something to counteract all the Jack Daniels that I still intend to drink most nights.

Whew

2005-12-20T16:49:00.000-05:00

Once again I came eerily close to the two week absence from the blog. Not much has been going on over here, other than normal holiday bullshit. My sister was at my parents house last weekend with her 2 year old. He ran into the house and darted for the living presumably to look at the Christmas tree. To this young lad's amazement was a plethora of presents wrapped under the tree. I can only imagine the look on his face when he ran back into the kitchen and yelled,"Momma, Santa Claus already came to Nina's (Nina is what they call my mom instead of Grandma or Granny) house!" He had a present in his hand about to tear into before my sister stopped. She looked at the present and said, "This is Uncle Michael's present, Santa will bring your next weekend." He of course asked about the rest of the presents, thinking that surely one of them had to belong to little Charlie Acorn (poor kid and his last name). NOPE! According to my sister, little Charlie is under the impression that every single gift under the tree belongs to Uncle Michael. I am sure that little kid turned green with envy. Well, it looks like I am in for a good Christmas since everything under that tree now officially belongs to me.

Hump Day

2005-12-07T18:04:00.000-05:00

But there is no humping going on around here. Wha and myself went to the second social charity event of the holiday season last night, "Second String Santa". Wha took a pink barbie doll and I took a pink castle that made funny noises as gifts for the needy children. Women were crawling all over the place with their breasteses hanging all out of their dresses. We did what we usually do, stared at boobs, get caught staring at boobs, look around all night as if we are expecting to bump into someone important that we know. Actually neither one of us had a great desire to be there, but a friend of ours was supposedly going with some girls from her work and suggested that we show up to the event in order to meet them. Said friend apparently was there for a minimal amount of time, forgot her phone, and decided to leave. We never saw her, nor her friends. We werent happy about this so we left and went to another bar. I all but had Wha talked into walking up to two random girls at the next bar to ask them if they would like to join us. He was standing up out of his chair to walk over and speak to them, but at the exact same time they decided to walk downstairs (no, they didnt leave because they saw him coming... itf was purely a random coincidence).

Work sucks this week as usual. I am now drinking a Jack and Coke and really have no plans of stopping the rest of the night. I wish January would hurry up and get here so these damn holidays would go away.

Barry Bond's, please leave baseball

2005-11-30T19:04:00.000-05:00

I imagine no one really expected a blog about a baseball player when it is the start of college hoops and end of college football. I was reading the sports news today read that Barry Bonds wanted to play in the World Baseball Classic in March 2006, of course there are a few details to work out and a "nagging knee injury that must heal". Did he ever have knee surgery, or did the doctor prescribe a lot of rest? In order to help his knee problems, he is going to lose 30 pounds to take some pressure off of his legs. How convenient. Here is my take on Barry Bonds. He was a rabid steroid user since the late 90's. Compare old baseball cards. His rookie season a stiff breeze could have knocked him over. He was a little bigger during the nineties, but that comes with age and a regimented workout program. Lates 90's into the 2000's he bulked up like David Banner getting really pissed off. The steroid scandal hits and baseball players are getting busted left and right, including a few big time stars. Bonds, being the nigger that he is, didnt want to jeopardized his shot at stealing the home run record from Hank Aaron. So he lays out of baseball with a supposed knee injury to let the 'roids work through his system so he wont test positive when he returns. What happens when steroid users quit juicing, they shrink, hence the reason he has decided to lose 30 pounds. He didnt decided to do it, he couldnt keep his weight and muscle mass up without juicing, so that his is lame ass excuse. Ask his wife how big his nuts were when they first met compared to right now. It'd be like comparing a Brazilian Nut (also known to many southerners as "Nigger Toes") to a raisin.

HA

2005-11-28T14:04:00.000-05:00

Two weeks on the spot... yet I still remain in the Penalty Box. Agent Orange is not keeping his end of the bargain. I have been in the penalty box for well over a month now, yet have posted blogs within the two week time period. I hereby call a boycott of Agent Orange.

Ya caught me

2005-11-14T22:37:00.000-05:00

Ya caught the tater. I have been thrown back into the penalty box by Agent Orange. Just wanted to keep him on his toes. I too had a weekend much like Wha, only I was not threatened to be thrown out of Tiger Town (of course, I never made it to Tiger Town either). After a very stressful week at work, I poured a stiff Jack and Coke while packing on Friday afternoon... that was pretty much the end of me until Sunday afternoon. I opted not to drive to Clemson myself, rather bum a ride from Wha and kiwi, and drink several Jack and Coke's on the way down. I was feeling just right upon arrival to Clemson. Had dinner at Monterrey's which took forever. At one point I asked the hostess to find our waiter cause I was drunk and hungry and ready to eat. She actually asked me "what did he look like?", and my response was "he is mexican, they all look the same to me". Some how, he appeared instanteously at our table. Again the bill took forever to arrive so I threw my credit card at someone and told them to ring up our table. We proceed, I think, to the Esso Club and there are some pictures of me at a new bar called 356??? I was told that when I got to the apartment where I was staying I fell up the stairs and announced to everyone (who was already asleep for who knows how long) that I was drunk and fell up the stairs (they didnt seem to happy with me when I met them the next day). I woke up saturday morning and stumbled to the shower, realizing that I was still drunk from the night before. Nevertheless, I arrived at the tailgate promptly at 7:45 and poured another Jack and Coke (whats that saying about the hair of the dog). After the game I watched Wha chug the backend of a bottle Jack and drool all over himself, being his roommate and not wanting to be held accountable for his actions, I got the hell out of there and wished everyone else "good luck with him tonight". Back to my tailgate and back to the liqour. I drank some more and headed back to The Esso club, not sure how long I stayed or at what point we left for Zaxby's, but the last thing i remember was chugging a Budweiser on a dusty road yelling to everyone, "This is how I am going to die, a lonely old man on a dusty road, chuggin a budweiser", OK, I dont really remember doing this, but there are pictures to prove it. After a lengthy discussion with my two baby sitters about how trips to the ATM i made over the course of the weekend, i realized on sunday afternoon that they were in fact correct and i was wrong. But i had no receipts to prove my withdrawals, oh yeah, i dont get receipts at the ATM. I thought they were going to shoot me at that point. I woke up sunday morning and Kate says to me, " Oberg, this is the first time that I have seen you sober all weekend... i chuckled, then I wondered to myself, did I do anything stupid over the weekend?". The answer to this question is YES. My phone was proof that I made several phone calls and sent many vulgar messages to numerous individuals. I only wonder what i did in person. I hope i still have friends in Clemson. The lyrics to The Marshall Tucker band kept coming to mind, "I'm gonna find me a hole in the wall, I’m gonna crawl inside and die".

Oops

2005-10-27T11:21:00.000-04:00

Its been just over two weeks since my last blog, but thankfully Agent Orange dropped the ball while celebrating his 35th birthday this weekend and did not put me in the "penalty box". But to my defense, I have traveled through (or at least above) about 10 states recently. Nothing has happened quite as interesting as my last blog, or at least nothing that I have been informed of. I traveled to Oklahoma City and Wichita this week to visit York's manufacturing facilities out there. Flight left at a ridiculous 7:33 am on Sunday morning and we arrived around 11:30 am central time. Sunday we attended a Widespread Panic concert in an ampitheatre. It was freaking freezing outside, but we stayed warm by downing Tall Boy Miller High Life's. That was until we realized there was another bar serving liquor. We drank all their Jack and made them serve us Woodford Reserve at the same price. Monday was quite boring listening to York's marketing strategy, and everyone in the room was suffering from massive gas pains (note to self: never eat at Johnny Carino's again). Tuesday was more of the same (yawn). We flew out of Wichita at 2:00 pm central to St. Louis, which is where we had a 4 hour layover. My poor York rep, we ran up a $160 tab just in the airport drinking double Jack and Cokes. Got home around 11:00 that night and was well received by the aforementioned CP. Traveling still has me a little whipped, but i am looking to break out of it this afternoon with a trip to the gym and hopefully another good night of drinking while Va Tech and BC play some foosball.

WOW

2005-10-12T13:06:00.000-04:00

So I am out last night with my on again off again lady friend (CP in this article). We head out to Coyote Joes to see a country concert that was a benefit for St. Judes. As we left she found some friends of hers from her hometown (the ones that told her about the concert), they were both drunk as "whodunnit". They want to go to The Paper Doll and CP is all about going with them, so we go along. I think she enjoyed watching the strippers dance more than guys. After many drinks and some prodding from the DJ, CP gets on stage as a joke and does a little dance for me. A stripper lady walks up to her and convinces CP to take her shirt off leaving her in a bra and jeans (had she been wearing underwear I am sure the jeans would have come off, since she did slide the back of them down a few times to show off her ass). Moments later the bra comes off and my date is on stage topless for a few seconds. She hops off stage, walks over to me, and gives me best lap dance I have ever received. I was shocked she went topless in front of some of her guy friends from back home, but surprisingly I wasnt mad in the least bit (they were just your typically rednecks, which I get along well with being from Florence). I always figured I was the type of guy who would get mad if my girl went topless around other guys, but I guess I didnt care seeing as there were already an abundance of boobs flopping around. The owner of the club tried to get her to come back and work, but she declined the offer. I must say, seeing CP topless on stage and then walking directly at me and molesting me in my chair was a big turn on. Unfortunately she was very drunk when we got home and she passed out.

Another year older

2005-09-29T18:20:00.000-04:00

So my birthday has come and passed and I really dont feel any older. Skippy, Wha, myself, and a friend from Clemson grilled steaks here Tuesday and baked some massive potatoes to celebrate the day. Wha burnt the ever loving shit out of a huge Ribeye that had potential to be a great steak (Wha you are cut off from cooking). Afterwards we went to Wild Wings for a few beers with Faith and Lyndsay. Thats it. What a fucking boring birthday. I will see my parents and one of my sisters this weekend at the Wake game, so hopefully something good will come out of the weekend. I really am not looking forward to the weekend to be honest, my whole has me pretty pissed about the upcoming holiday season. Apparently being single has practically made my opionion of the holidays null and void. Thanksgiving will now be held the weekend of Clemson/USC. So needless to say, I wont be seeing my parents for Thanksgiving this year. Christmas will also be held the weekend before Christmas to alleviate traveling on my sisters when they have to visit their in-laws. Ahem, what the fuck about me. I guess they expect me to drive home for Christmas the weekend before, then on the actual weekend of Christmas my parents will visit one of my sisters while I .... sit in my apartment by myself!! Oh wait, I could drive to one of my sisters houses, but doesnt that put me in the same predicament as either sister (traveling out of town twice for one holiday). I officially boycotted the holiday season a full two months before it starts.

A fine idea.... almost

2005-09-23T10:24:00.000-04:00

After the destruction from Katrina in New Orleans, it seems as though the Texans are taking Rita a little more serious and have decided to follow the mandated evacuations of their homes. Presumably most filled up their cars with gas before leaving town. If everyone from a large citysuch as Galveston decides to leave at the exact same time, and on the same roads, why didnt someone (the state of Texas) try to prepare for the hysteria better. There are now hundreds of cars stuck on the highway, out of gas, from sitting in traffic. Here's a thought, what is a safer call 1) sitting in your car on the interstate with thousans of other cars, out of gas, acting as a sitting duck for the ensuing storm, or 2) staying in your home, that i feel is probably much more sturdier than a 2-ton vehicle, and hoping for the best. Assuming both the scenarios take a direct hit, the so called "idiots" that stayed home will probably fair a little better. So we are now left with a decisions for the next storm that terrorizes our coast, do we mandate an evacuation that will strand thousands of citizens on the highway for the storm, or just tell them to stay at home cause either way they are screwed. What would you do? Stay at home, or sit in your car on the interstate?

On behalf of Skippy

2005-09-20T10:57:00.000-04:00

Skippy goes to get a shower Monday evening, but before he does, he takes a leak. He sees a wad of tissue in the toilet and figures Wha had to blow his nose earlier and forgot to flush, no big deal. When he gets out the shower he pays more attention to the back of the toilet seat. There lies a copy of Playboy and a bottle of hand lotion, with what he hoped was some lotion on the cover. Skippy begins to back track his thought process to before the shower... the wad of tissue... and what he thought was where Wha had blown his nose. Apparently Wha had blown something else and left a terrible trail in the bathroom and did not cover up his handy work to well. Please Wha, be more careful and cover your tracks, we really dont want to know your schedule.

Reprimanded

2005-09-19T21:24:00.000-04:00

I have been reprimanded many times in my life, but never thought it would happen so many times for not blogging. I have been slack. I was making a last ditch effort with my bosses daughter. Surprisingly it lasted several weeks this time. Last sunday after the Panthers game Wha, myself, and the crazy one all hung out, got a few beers, and grabbed some dinner. All was normal. I went over that night and stayed at her place, went to work the next morning and everything was normal. That was the last i heard from her until friday afternoon. I called her after playing golf with my boss. She had to answer her phone this time because she thought i was still at her house with her dad standing beside me. I wasnt, i had left. I bitched at her on the phone. She got home and presumably got bitched at again by her dad and step-mom. I returned to my apartment with a great little buzz going and did not want to let this one go. I continued to drink until Wha arrived. He had visions of going to the gym, but with little convincing, he plopped on the couch and drank with me. Around 6 i called some ho's to find out my tailgating assignment (there was no point in asking what i was supposed to bring since i really never had any intentions of buying anything except a bottle of Jack and some ginger ale), during the conversation she asked why werent in Clemson, and without a decent answer, we preceded to clean up and leave town. Fast forward to Sunday (we all know what happened in between (lots of drinking and football)): Panthers knock off the defeding Super Bowl champions in what i heard to be a not so super game, nonetheless, Panthers won.

Sidenote: If i sleep in the same bed with a girl (who i have been told wanted to hook up with me) but we never hook up, does that make me a Vagina tease. I mean, if a girl that i wanted to knock boots with kept staying with me but never put out, I would consider her a cock tease. Just curious.

I own the internet

2005-08-27T15:33:00.000-04:00

Well not really, but i now control who is allowed to access our wireless router. We have long suspected people using our wireless network, but I never took the time to see how many people were using it or how to block them. Seeing as I have nothing to do today, I ventured out into the IT world to learn something new. I found that at least 5 other people were using our wireless network this past week. Each time i see a new IP/MAC address on my network i will now block them. It would be easier to just allow myself, Wha, and Skippy access our internet, but I would rather blcok individual users so that I can keep track of their IP and MAC addresses. This way when I learn how to hack better I can really screw them over. Anyone know of an easy way to access someone elses computer over my network so I can delete some important files off of their computer.

They don't have the equipment to pull this off

2005-08-25T10:26:00.000-04:00

Season tickets were mailed two weeks ago and most people received their tickets two fridays ago. Being that i moved and had my mail forwarded i was giving the post office ample time to forward my mail to me. I felt as though 1 week should have been sufficient, seeing as everything else comes to me only a few days late. As of today, I still have no tickets. The post office can't do anything unless i have a tracking number, and the last time i checked, they dont issue tracking numbers for regular mail. So i called clemson and they put out a tracer on my tickets. Basically its a post office form mailed to me assuming it takes the same route as my other mail so anyone in the process can read the tracer and know to be on the lookout for a package from Clemson University to my old address. Problem is, the nice (translation: stupid) girl in the office sent the tracer to my current address, therefore bypassing the forwarding system that my tickets got lost in. I receive letters from Time Warner Cable, BellSouth, and all kinds of other junk mail from car insurance agencies,etc. that all successfully make it through the forwarding process. The one piece of mail that i actually want and paid a lot of money for cannot be found. Even if they had been sent to my old address, the lady that delivers our mail would have recognized my name on the envelope and placed it in the correct box (its not like i moved across town, just across the complex). Now I am being mailed a sheet of paper saying that my tickets were lost and i must use that as my entry to the game. Then the ticket office will reprint my tickets for the rest of the season. I just hope i dont see a Charlotte post office worker sitting in my seat anytime this season, I will lose it.

Congratulations, you're a moron

2005-08-23T12:19:00.000-04:00

One of Mecklenburgs Counties hard working building inspectors gave me a chuckle yesterday. I was dropping off some O&M's at a contractors office yesterday afternoon in order to kill a little time while at work. I decided drop in at the Citgo to buy a can of Skoal Mint. I see an inspector fueling his truck and talking to someone else beside the gas pump. When I came out of the store those two people are still chatting. I sit in my truck, pack the dip, and throw a little chew in, and then hear a strange loud noise. I turn to look and what do i see to my humor, the building inspector forgot to take the gas pump out of his car after fueling. He just starts driving out of the parking lot with the pump and a long hose trailing him. Being unsure of how gas pumps are constructed, I high-tailed it out of there myself before any gas or other fumes leaked and blew the place to pieces. I didn't hear about any exploding gas stations on the news last night, so i will assume all turned out just fine. Thank you Mr. Building Inspector for making my taxes go up on account of your stupidity.

Oops

2005-08-19T23:33:00.000-04:00

Just realized that I havent posted a blog in over two weeks. I always get pissed when I go to somebody else's blogspot and they have not updated it in a few days, kinda ironic dont you think. It is a pretty uneventful friday evening for myself. I worked a very tough 3 and 1/2 days this week, seeing as my boss decided once again this Friday that golf sounded better than work, so we played 9 holes as usual. Rented the movie "White Chics" tonight, pretty funny but nothing special. Now i am working on my 3rd Jack and Ginger watching the Dukes of Hazzard on CMT. I may or may not be having a late night visitor around 12:30 when she gets off work. Tomorrow promises to be a little better with Shake the Lake 2005. Hope to see lots of drunken poonanny on Lake Norman and have some good times. Time to wipe up.

Work...

2005-08-03T20:32:00.000-04:00

Ever had one of those days when you wake up and go to work and wonder what in the hell you are going to do for the next 8 hours because there is nothing at your desk to do. Then the next thing you know you been busting your ass doing stuff that you really arent sure is in your job description all day. I have one of those weeks. Not that I am complaining, I would rather work than sit bored and stare at my computer screen. Is there some supernatural force out there that creates unnecessary work for us when the necessary has temporarily run out.

Random Sighting

2005-07-26T23:39:00.000-04:00

So last Thursday while at Live after 5, some random girl (at least i thought at first she was random) walks up to me and says, "Can i ask you a wierd question?". I was intrigued, so I said "sure". She asked if i went to Florence Christian (which i did for high school). My jaw hit the ground. I said yes and wondered how she knew. She apparently also went there and recognized me somehow. Once i got her name i did remember her vaguely, but never knew her well enough to where i could recognize her 8 years later. So we talk for a bit and Wha and I notice she has a cute friend that liked to talk shit with us. Yada yada yada... they went on the lake with us on sunday and brought some really good food. we drove the boat over as many wakes as possible to watch their sized C and D breasteseses jiggle in the boat.

Timmy who?

2005-07-17T21:11:00.000-04:00

I left work early Friday to head to Sunset Beach for a pseudo-vacation with my family. Realizing that once both sisters, both nephews, and my parents arrived, there would be no time for me to actually do anything that i wanted to do. So i decided to wake up early Saturday morning and get in a round of golf. There were some rainchecks available from a previous company-sponsored golf trip available for a course just down the road from the beachhouse, so I kissed a little ass Friday morning at work and scored some free golf. I show up at The Thistle at 7:30am Saturday morning to realize that i have been paired up with two old men (not a problem). Shortly thereafter i find out that they are hitting, obviously, from the senior tees and must stand a good 75 yards in front of me for every tee shot. One guy was 70 and the other was 86, deaf, blind in one eye and couldnt see out the other one. The asked my name several times, and each time I responded with "Michael". Around hole 8 i could hear them talking to each other saying, "What was his name again?", the other replied,"I think it was Tim". So for the next 11 holes i was referred to as "Tim" by two old men that could have been cast in Grumpy Old Men in lieu of Walter Mathau and Jack Lemmon. Golf course was great by the way, shot a 40 on the front and 47 on the back. At the end of the round the 86 year old said he just ran out of energy, the 70 year old responded "Your getting too much nookie at night, you shouldnt get laid so much", and the response was,"Whats wrong with 3 times a night."

Moving

2005-07-12T22:36:00.000-04:00

We moved this weekend into our three bedroom bachelor pad, and Wha finally decided to let his couch get tossed. It has only been sitting in our old apartment since last August stinking and reaking of mold, mildew, and god knows what else was growing in there. We never said much about it before seeing as people actually slept on it when they visited (Brad, you and Lauren may want to get a routine check-up soon). The catch is this, Wha leaves me and Skippy to pitch the couch while he is in class that afternoon(the explanation as to why we were drinking beer at the pool with Jessie and Gene that afternoon). So we go to Goodwill in the middle of BFE (actually it was Southeast Charlotte, way way Southeast Charlotte), they tell us that they cannot accept the couch because a coushion had a cover ripped or torn or whatever the hell was wrong with it. On top of that, they have no idea where the closest dumpster is. Skippy and I have to return the Uhaul in less than an hour with at least a thirty minute drive to the rental spot. We are now stuck with Wha's old dirty ass couch not knowing what to do. Luckily we were on the non-swimming side of town and found an apartment complex that was primarily filled with ex-cotton pickers. Skippy whips in to where the dumpster is located, we hop out Wha's jeep, slide open the Uhaul door, and pitch the couch next to a dumpster. As we pull away, some old dark lady is glaring at us wondering what the fuck two cracker ass white boys is doing in her hood. We arent sure if she was pissed that we dumped on her property or was getting dibs on the couch. Either way, we got rid of it and returned the Uhaul in time. This is why we drank beer that afternoon, for doing the dirty work for Wha and pitching his couch that I have been trying to get him to get rid of for the last several months.

Weekend Over

2005-07-06T22:31:00.000-04:00

After a fun weekend of drinking non-stop, ass-slapping, and getting nut checked, it was time to return to the norms of my everyday lifestyle. Decided to hit the gym Tuesday to try and burn off some weekend empty calories. While on the crosstrainer machine about 20 minutes into my workout, I felt like I hit wall and my body shut down. I forced myself to finish the workout and promptly sucked about a gallon of water from the drinking fountain. The rest of my working was basically going through the motions to say i went to the gym. Wha and I are attempting to put together "the best CD ever" of classic rock, but we find ourselves constantly re-categorizing songs and the list has turned into about 5 different discs. One for classic rock from the 70's, 80's rock including big hair bands, southern rock, late 80's/90's, and an "other" CD full of good old music that really doesnt fit any one genre. This idea is going to take much longer to come full circle than I had first planned.

Monday again

2005-06-20T19:12:00.000-04:00

Has anyone else confused Helen Keller with Anne Frank? I did, I am sure Wha will tell you all about.

JD MIA

2005-06-12T20:09:00.000-04:00

Wha, skippy, and myself ventured to the pool sunday afternoon because, well, we had nothing better to do. We got there and only two other people were there, it was ok because we each had a very healthy Jack and Ginger in hand. As time progressed and the storm clouds rolled out of sight, more and more people showed, some hot bitches, a few canadians, and some annoying ass kids. Wha left to go to the apartment to get our "kit" (yes, the handle of Jack, more ginger ale, and some ice). We made another drink (all in all, we had the equivalent of about 5 or 6). We left around 3:45 to come back and watch Clemson get their asses handed to them by Baylor. Around 8 pm, skippy and wha were not around so it was just me at the apartment. I decided to pour another Jack and Ginger because it goes so well with Hamburger Helper. Jack was not in his place on the counter and i got worried...Eureka, he is in the cooler with a few ginger ales. So i go to open the cooler, but i cant find it. I am perplexed at this point, and little too sober. I search the apartment up and down and head back to the pool to see if the cooler is there.... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt bring it back to the apartment and neither did skippy, i cant get ahold of Wha, but nonetheless the Jack cant be found. I am still in a little shock that three of us would all neglect to get the cooler. I am putting an APB out on our bottle of Jack in the complex...they can have the cooler, but damn it, give our Jack back.

Wild Wing Night

2005-05-31T21:28:00.000-04:00

As usual, Tuesday night was Two-fer night at Wild Wings...so Wha and I in our true fat ass fashion put down two dozen chicken wings for the price of one, and an order of Mozzarella cheese sticks just to be sure we got our dairy intake for the day. Unfortunately the wait staff at Wild Wings forgets to check ID's quite frequently, therefore they have not been able to sell beer to us the last two times. Alas, they get the liquor license back next week. Blue spandex was again a no-show at the gym tonight (does she realize what she is doing to my motivation to keep lifting weights), the idea of seeing her is sometimes the only things that gets me out of my recliner and into the gym on some nights. I will give her another week to show before i get to worried about her.

Ahh Ha

2005-05-27T12:59:00.000-04:00

So with a little time and effort i have figured out how to add other blogs to my links column. I remember in grad school i had a professor tell me that Blogs were the newest up and coming thing on the internet, at which time, i had never even heard of a blog much less thought i would ever partake in one. Of course that was while i was in college and spent all my free time drinking beer, playing golf, and Tiger Woods on PS2. Actually, not much as changed since then, except the mandatory time between 7:30am and 4:30 pm that i am required to be somewhat sober. I need some type of substance to make these days go by faster. I think i should give of smoking again, only to partake in my first love, dipping. I remember being able to concentrate so well on lab reports and excel spreadsheets while sitting at my little ass desk in Norris hall when i had a wad of Kodiak in my bottom lip. Of course since then i have switched to Skoal and given up on all the minty and flavored dips, Skoal straight was just the thing for me. It also worked as a great laxative for some reason. I was never sure if it was an ingredient in the dip that had that effect on me, or if it was more of a conditioned response much like Pavlov's pooch. If it was conditioned response, i wonder what made me take a huge dump the first few times i had a dip in, random coincidence maybe...thoughts to ponder...

Poot's Palace

2005-05-23T13:02:00.000-04:00

Poot's Palace So its been awhile since i have posted my own blog...ooops. Somebody tell me how to link other blog sites to my own. I'm sure i could take the time to read some FAQ to learn how to do it on my own, but its just easier for someone who already knows to tell me. I thought by clicking the Edit-Me link under my Links column would offer some sort of help, but it just takes me to a website that says "The page cannot be displayed". Maybe my browser is fubar'd, who knows. Wha has his boat back in town which means in the next few weeks we will probably be stranded in the middle of Lake Wylie looking for a tow home, that should lead to some more interesting blogs. By the way, my right testicle hurts today.

Friday work

2005-05-06T19:00:00.000-04:00

The Wachovia Championship is in town this weekend and while most people in my industry are walking around Quail Hollow Country Club, I am in the office with my bosses wife, our service manager, and our new project manager. Granted we are a small company of just over 50 employees, but how do I manage to be one of the last ones stuck in the office on a Friday afternoon. The commercial department has been dead all day, my boss left at noon, our A/P was gone at 1:30, the bosses daughter bolted at 2:00, our other finance guy was out at 3:00. Yet somehow I have managed to stick around and let my bosses wife think up "cute little projects" for me to do next week. Riiiiight. I will conveniently be busier than a rooster in a hen house next week until she forgets about those little assignments. There is only so many games of kitty cannon that one guy can play before he starts wishing he was the one being thrown from the cannon.

Work

2005-04-29T14:20:00.000-04:00

So this week has flown by almost as fast as last week. At least i have "Tater Salad" to look forward to tonight along with several Jack and Cokes.

I feel as though I am as broke now as I was in college due in part to rent, car payment,and IPTAY tickets being paid for all in the same day. I think sugar water and mayonaisse sandwiches will be on the menu next week.

Apartment Stuff

2005-04-25T21:55:00.000-04:00

So I checked on moving into a three bedroom apartment today. The deal is we must pay back our concessions for the past nine months that Wha and i have lived here, pay the 200 transfer fee, and give a thirty day notice and paying the full market rate of our apartment for our last month. All in all it comes down to paying out $2800 just to move across the complex. So it looks as the skippy may be stuck living in his reefer haven for a little while longer until we come up with a better plan. Number 14 has been mounted 4-25-05 at 6:55pm.